I’m really sick and tired of being injured. Today I went to get an arthroscopic MRI. The X-ray shows a big chunk of bone about two thirds the size of my femur head with quite a bit of width too. That alone is a reason for the incredible pain I deal with. The doctors want me to get an MRI to see if anything else is wrong with my hip besides this.
So I went to get an MRI today. The radiologist stuck a needle into my hip the depth of my bone for the arthrogram. He put fluid into it and said there was a chance my hip may not have taken it. So we tried the MRI and sure enough after the first attempts, I found out that it wasn’t good enough. So we went back to the table and did this again. Fortunately, because my hip is in so much pain on a daily basis, this felt like absolutely nothing.
The unfortunate part is far worse. Fuck pain, it means little to me compared to lost time. I went back to the MRI and again it was unsuccessful. However, since they’d already stuffed me full of dye, it wouldn’t work today. I was supposed to get an MRI and then see the specialist. Instead I am now getting the MRI on Friday and seeing the specialist Tuesday. Eight days, eight days lost, during a vital time where I need every day to progress me. From getting surgery, to rehab, to strength and flexibility training, to conditioning, to getting in the right mindset. Every day missed exponentially reduces any chance I have.
On a ride to overtime for a camp to prepare for the 2008 Olympics, I thought seriously about my potential in 2008. (regardless of the Olympics, I had a chance to qualify for University Worlds that year – which in all honesty came down to a decision USA Wrestling made instead of a wrestle off.) The US national tournament had already passed. I had torn my UCL in it, something I was not happy about since it happened after the whistle to a sub-par wrestler. I forfeited out of the tournament. So in order to just make the Olympic team, there was one qualifying tournament left, and I had to win it. 4 or 5 matches in a row. Then I’d have to win 3 or 4 matches into the final tournament to wrestle Cormier. If I was 50/50 with all those guys including Cormier, I could expect to have less than a 1% chance. And then the Olympics also. But then I pulled myself out of it, I was thinking realistically, and realistically it’s not a game of chance. With all these things going against me, I already knew I had none. But I pushed through because it’s something in my character.
Fast forward four years. In the past two years I have had two surgeries. The first year after the Olympics I moved to the OTC after about 3 months of only partial mat time and a month off the mats. I still had elbow problems but they were healing. I had a neck injury, but it was sporadic and wouldn’t hold me out of practice long or slow down my pace. I got better that year. I finished 4th at the world team trials as a small 96kg guy with the ability to beat all the guys above me. but at the end of August I tore something in my shoulder.
Ironic that the same thing that happened today with my MRI happened with my shoulder MRI two years ago. I sat there for an hour because my shoulder wouldn’t take the dye then had to come back the next week. I tore my shoulder in August and because of the process, didn’t get surgery until October 21, happy fucking birthday. Both that MRI and that surgery hurt like a bitch. But it’s healthy now (outside of the serious scare I got at sambo nationals.) That whole year, as my shoulder was recovering, I could tell my hip was messed up. It really started kicking in after the US open. So I got surgery in August.
Korea was a terrible idea. I need surgery. And I’m just really trying not to calculate my chances before I come up with a plan. Because if I have a chance it’s because I have a good plan and not that I make a plan because I have a good chance. I’m just tired of the uncertainty of my plans running on what works for others and what seems like the roulette of my health. It’s a fight I can’t win.
